Angry will get you no where.

It was a great day.  Outside.  Beer.  Good people.  As I left him at his car, he kissed me.  Walked a step away, turned around, and walked back to kiss me again.  It was during that last kiss that I heard those words (you know the ones) in my head.  And I thought to myself for that brief second:  This is it.  This is exactly what it should feel like.

And then it was gone.

I tell myself that it has nothing to do with me.  The self blaming game is old and tired--and I am also tired from the lack of sleep in the past three days.  Just waiting for him to never call again or to tell me it's over.  I'm looking forward to a very good sleep tonight.

He showed me the way I should be treated.  He set a new standard.  And I am so thankful.  For the longest time, I let myself be shit on.  I didn't think that someone existed who could make me feel like I mattered.  

Don't get me wrong.  It wasn't perfect.  I guess somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew it.  The conversations about the ex-wife at some points were unbearable.  I guess I knew that he just wasn't ready for what I am.  I am this person.  Who deserves all of the wonderfulness.  

I thought it was all my emotional baggage that would make it end.  I thought I would sabotage.  But, it turns out, that it was his--or maybe a combination of both of us--that would be too much.

Another time.  Another place.  Another mind.  It could have been what we thought it would be.  I said "good".  He said, "great".