Where does the good go?

For the most part, reconnecting via internet has always been a positive thing (notice I said REconnecting, not connecting--although that is sometimes positive...errr....yeah).  So when I found an old roommate that I hadn't spoken to in years, I had to know what she was up to.  And so the email exchange began.

Mostly, I'm sad.  Let me explain.  I am so extraordinarily happy for her.  Engaged, happy, and put together, something I struggle with everyday.  What makes me so sad is that I cannot count the nights that we sat talking about the day that we would get married, how we would be in each other's wedding parties, and raise our children together.  And here I am, two months before her wedding, hearing about it for the first time, and having nothing to do with it.    And it's not about me.  I get it.  But it makes you look at relationships and wonder what could have been so bad that it forces people to disappear and no longer want anything to do with each other.

We grow apart.  We grow up.  But do we ever really change?  I know that for me, while I have (hopefully) improved on myself over the last 5 years, at the core, I am the same.  I cry a lot.  I don't trust people.  And I will sit and eat ice cream and cookies until I feel whole again.

I find myself missing old friends.  Missing the past.  Missing all those 3 am nights filled with terrible reality shows, alcohol and just knowing that I was living with my chosen family.