Pain throws your heart to the ground

It shouldn't be so hard.  I watch the struggle.  It makes me understand why I am still alone.  And happy that I am still alone.  I am proud of myself for never settling for anything less than I deserve.  It's bad enough that when we are living the single life we have to sit around and wonder when he's gonna call, where he is, if he's with someone else.  But to do this when we're in a relationship is unacceptable.  

My friends and their relationships go about half and half.  Half of them are in relationships that have a clear direction.  When I asked one of them recently when the last time she thought about breaking up with her boyfriend of a year and half, her response was clear.  "Never".

The other half are back and forth.  I understand the comfort of having someone.  But I'd rather have the comfort of knowing that I can do it on my own.

I know there is a reason that I am perpetually single.  I just can never seem to find something that fits.  And it's my personal belief that when you know, you know.  You know?

It shouldn't be so hard.