My pride will keep me company.

I used to have guy friends.  I used to love it.  When I was younger all the other kids in the neighborhood that were my age were boys, so it's what I grew up around.  If I was playing outside, it was probably with the boys.  I was one of them, and it's completely a part of my personality today.  

I have found that as you grow older, it becomes more complicated to have friends of the opposite sex.  When they (or you) are in a relationship, it becomes a question for your mate:  what are you not getting from me that you need to get from them?   Over the past five years or so, I have lost a good amount of male friends, mostly to the relationships that they are now in.

Part of it is the attraction factor, too.  I think we can all agree that we are attracted to our friends.  It's what has drawn us to them in the first place.  So to separate that attraction from emotion to physical to sexual is a tricky manuver. 

It's no secret that most of my male friends have turned into more at one point or another.  Sometimes, it's that feeling of "what the fuck did I just do?" while other times it seems to fit in a way of, well, we are already friends--and the physical is good--so why not have it be more.  Does it ever work though?  Is it actually possible to take a friendship to the next level?  Most of the time I find that I end up with confusion and him finding someone else to be with instead.

Relationships don't stick.  People seem to flutter in and out of my life so quickly that it's hard to find something to reach for, let alone hold onto.  I find that most of the time I am working on my relationship with myself more than my relationships with anyone else.

We, as humans, tend to be insincere.  We tend to think more about ourselves than others.  We don't think about how are words are affecting those around us.  My sister and I had a conversation yesterday in which she said something about me actively looking for a boyfriend.  And I replied by saying that, no, I'm not actively looking for a boyfriend.  But it would be nice to meet someone who I can hang with, who isn't a complete douchebag.