Black and Blue

Sunday, May 28, 2006

I slammed my finger in a car door a couple nights ago. It still hurts. It's all blue. My nail is absolutely going to fall off at some point.
I've decided it isn't worth it. The whole finger-in-the-door situation. It isn't worth the pain. It isn't worth not being able to use my finger to do things that are normally easy. Typing, for instance. I used to be really good at typing. I was quick. It required no thinking at all. I now have to worry about how hard my finger is going to hit the key. Am I spelling things right? And if I hit the letter "t" one more time, I might lose feeling altogether. T. T. T. Shit.
I worry too much about the future of my finger. What if it gets infected and they have to cut it off? Maybe it's already broken beyond repair and I don't know it. All I'm saying is that all I can think about is this damn finger, man. And it's the pointer. If it was the middle finger, it would be understandable. But they are right next to eachother. What if the infection spreads? Maybe it already has though.
The thing is I have nine other fingers. The other thing is, this isn't about fingers at all.